Monday, April 9, 2007

Mommy Monday


I need your help with this situation. Family can be quite difficult sometimes. No, it is not my husband that is on my bad side, it is other extended adult family members that shall remain nameless.


Here is the scenario, "A, sing the Dragon Tales song that we taught you." A (very sweetly, because she is just 3) - "Dragon Tales, Dragon Tales. Don't you know that your butt smells? " I am cringing inside because I can just imagine this little ditty being sung in church next Sunday. The thing is that this person is not a Christian and neither is the spouse, so they think that it is humorous to teach my children songs that make my body cringe. I discussed this with my dear hubby and asked him if I was overreacting (me, overreact?). He agreed with me that it was not funny. I feel that they are in some way making fun of the fact that we are Christians and that we have Christian values. I feel that it is disrespectful toward us. This is not the first little song that they have taught my kids, so I am afraid that it will increasingly get worse. The thing is that they are family, but I feel that I need to take a stand with my children. Do I not allow them to spend time with my children? What would you do? I really need help with this issue, because I want to handle it in a Christian way that will not damage my relationship with them or with God. I am going to be praying about it, but I am curious to see what you say, too. Thanks for your help!


Smiles and Loves! Janis

9 comments:

Susanne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karen said...

What did you say? I would probably have said something like, "Wow, A, that song isn't very nice, so we shouldn't sing that one, okay?" And I would have said it sweetly so it didn't seem snarky, but still got the point across that I didn't appreciate the humor being taught to my little ones.

Sometimes it isn't worth being confrontational to the adult, but I wouldn't hesitate to say something to my own kids in front of the adult about how I didn't want them to be singing/saying those words.

Susanne said...

My first thought is do they do this with all the children in your extended family. If they do, it's the way they are and I'd approach it more in the end of teaching your child. But if they only do this with your child, then I'd look at more as making fun of your values and maybe more of a direct challenge to you. Other questions to ask yourself is How often do you see these relatives? A lot or just once a year on holidays? If it's only once a year is it worth the family dynamics to say something? Would it be better to just teach your children that that is "so and so's" type of humor but at our house...."

I would probably approach it first by responding as for example to that particular song: "Well, that's different but now "auntie B", dragon tails wouldn't think it was appropriate to sing about smelly bottoms!" and look her in the eyes when you say it. Maybe they'll take the hint. If not you might have to prayerfully approach them. Sometimes people's senses of humor are totally different from our own.

I find this with a close relative. Bodily function humor is totally played up and laughed about at their home with their child to the point where it is offensive to me. I always try indirectly say something when it's crossing a line.

No matter what you do approach it prayerfully. I'll say a prayer that you know exactly what to do.
P.S. that deleted comment was me. I pushed publish by accident before I finished what I was trying to say. Let me know how it goes for you!

julie said...

I really like Karen's response. I have to say "that really is not appropriate" many times when our extended family gets together once or twice a year. They know how we feel about off colored humor and we all make jokes about it now. It is not a perfect situation but I wouldn't make a huge deal about it. As the kids get older they understand that just because crazy Uncle Danny said something it doesn't mean it is appropriate to repeat.

Blessings to you,
Julie

Denise said...

I would approach this situation with much prayer. I would gently, and lovingly let my child know that this song is not a song that we are going to sing at our house.

Laurel Wreath said...

I like Karen's response also. I have a brother in law who IS a Christian who likes to call people funny names, well some of his "names" are not funny to us. In fact he said some stuff to our older son (because he wants to be viewed as the cool Uncle), I had to tell him that it was not appreciated.

YOU have to say something. First make it a joke at the moment, then if the hint is not taken. Then a serious conversation.

It is so difficult when it is with family.

An Ordinary Mom said...

I agree with all the other comments already left. Take it to the Lord in prayer, He will guide you!

The Preacher's Wife said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christine said...

I agree. It is OK to say something in conversation to state your boundaries with the family member. She is your child. Then tell your daughter at every turn that God wants us to use our words (even words in songs) in a way that makes other people feel good, and that song is one that God doesn't like. In the end, it's more important to keep your child in line than the family member (who you don't have any control over, adult to adult.) I would also make your exepectations known when you child will be seeing the particular family member. ie: "When you see [fill in name], remember what Mommy and Daddy say about what kinds of words are nice to use."

 

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